Evaluating Our Relationships

“We’ll be Friends Forever, won’t we, Pooh?’ asked Piglet.

How is this Snake month shaping up? This “clash” energy isn’t a time for idle reflection. Instead, the month calls for action, encouraging us to take a deeper look into making the necessary changes and adjustments in our lives.

What is it that you wish to be different? This month, I felt compelled to evaluate my relationships. And so, I offer the same to you.

There comes a time in all our lives when we need to make sure our relationships are having a positive effect on us, rather than one that bogs us down. Without realizing it, we may be spending precious time and energy engaging in friendships that disappoint or hurt us, rather than cultivating ones that support, nourish, and inspire us. Seven years ago, I wrote an article for MindBodyGreen called “Energy Vampires: Who Are They & How To Ditch Them”. It’s funny that the theme of the article still resonates today.

For those who know me best understand that I regard loyalty as an important trait in a person. I look for this characteristic in all the people I interact with: friends, colleagues, loved ones, clients, and acquaintances. So much so that five years ago, I learned a hard lesson of loyalty when a former student betrayed my trust by blatantly infringing on my business copyright and trademark protection. The discovery of the act was a shock and a blow. (Not to mention a total violation of the law!) Fast forward to 2018, and I decided to cut ties with a close friend who opted for greed and self-interest over nurturing an honest and trusting relationship. Life is simply too short. In fact, we can do so much more in this world when we are surrounded by people who understand what we are trying to do, and who positively support our efforts in fulfilling our destiny.

The energetic cord that binds us is often the toughest one to break, yet it holds an enormous amount of power—and control—over our day-to-day psyche. We all know who that person is in our life. Sometimes, it won’t feel so easy to completely cut off the relationship. But it’s important to create boundaries, and form a healthier and more protective space for us to function and be in this world.

Notice how you feel in the context of each of your close relationships. You may even begin to see that an old friend is still carrying negative attitudes or ideas that you yourself need to let go of in order to move forward. Or you may find that you have a long-term relationship with someone who has a habit of letting you down, or not showing up when you need support.

The process of evaluating relationships isn’t so much about abandoning old friends as it is about shifting our relationships—and being more authentically true to ourselves. This, too, means learning to adjust our own approach to a relationship, noticing what kind of friend we are to others, and challenging ourselves to be more positive, present, and supportive.As William Shakespeare once said, “Words are easy, like the wind; Faithful friends are hard to find.”